Milestones

Today marks another major developmental milestone for me as a maniacal tyrant.

That's right my loyal subjects, I executed my very first dissident! He was questioning whether I would be fit to rule. What an arrogant bastard. Of course I'm fit to rule! I've been destined to preside over the world since before the birth of the stars! Of course in those days there wouldn't have been anyone around to tell the future, nor would there have been very much to tell the future from...but I assure you, all this has been preordained. By the universe, by some higher power or whatever, but it HAS been preordained. Because I said so. And don't you dare question me or you will end up like our friend, who was executed by inducing in him autophagia (or "eating of oneself"). Of course, I'm not totally inhumane, so I provided him with salt and barbeque sauce to improve the taste of it all. He seemed to enjoy it...mildly. I couldn't tell because one minute he was crying and the next he was really tucking in to what seemed to be quite a feast for him.

I'll never forget the sight of him eating his still beating heart before collapsing in a heap of half-eaten tissue. Even in death he couldn't do anything right. What a waste of good space. But, since I am a firm believer in recycling, his remains were distributed to my army as a boost to their weekly red meat allowance. Now I just hope that he didn't have spongiform encephalopathy. I wouldn't be surprised though, seeing as he was so blatantly demented and delirious.

Ah, I love my job.