Sports mascots

I don't know what it is with sports teams and really randomly weird mascots, but after I take over the world it is going to stop.

Because I don't know that many international sports teams, I will draw on Australias' as examples. I don't know what these mascots are meant to represent, but it can really confusing. Take for example the Melbourne Demons of the AFL. What are they supposed to do? Be totally evil? Have bad breath (from all that brimstone they eat)? What about the Fremantle Dockers? What is a 'Docker' anyway and why would anyone want to be one? What, are they going to defeat my team by loading and unloading ships? What the?

I can understand mascots that represent strength and all that, like bulls, or any carnivores. But seriously, some of those mascot ideasmen need to be shot. Numerous times. In the 'nads.

I wonder if the intellectual sports, like chess, have mascots. Of course, they would have to fit in the mould of their sport. We could have teams like the Melbourne Ailuropoda Melanoleuca or the Perth Delphinidae. Or how about the Brisbane Panthera Onca, the Sydney Acinonyx Jubatus or the Hobart Falco Peregrinus.

With great ideas like these I can't believe I haven't already been voted world ruler. Or at least received some international prizes!

Decree #5

I was sitting on my porcelain throne the other day and pondering the issues of the world (as you do) when I came up with another article to add to the list of changes (a.k.a. Royal Decrees) that will be made to this world when I become its ruler. Just to let you know, this one was inspired by some of the comments I've received on this blog. You people know who you are. This one's for you.

On with the decree:

Spammers absolutely will not be tolerated. All incidences of spamming will be relentlessly investigated by my own secret service: the ISA (Imperial Security Agency). Those who are found to be spamming anything will be dealt with quickly and harshly. Their punishment will involve horrendous pain and immense embarrassment to the offender, with a subsequent but extremely delayed death. They will be made to wish the human race never existed, for then they would not exist to feel the pain of their torture. No device will be deemed too cruel or inhumane to use on such scoundrels and no method deemed too vicious. One example that comes to mind is the extraction (but not section) of the gonads of a fully conscious subject to be fed to wild dogs while they are still attached. Such is the fate of the stupid.